Marriage as God’s Character Workshop: Loving Leadership and Respectful Submission
- Jack Selcher
- Sep 23, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
Summary
Marriage is God’s training ground for character, calling husbands to loving leadership and wives to respectful submission without inferiority. Submission reflects Christ’s obedience to the Father, while leadership carries accountability. Wives influence unbelieving husbands through godly conduct, not argument. God values inner beauty marked by gentleness and quiet strength. When husbands honor their wives and wives respect their husbands, marriage flourishes.
God's Character Workshop
In a newspaper cartoon, a woman with folded arms and a superior expression says to her husband, “A good husband is caring, strong, and sensitive. You have all but three of those qualities.”
Husbands and wives are like porcupines during a frigid Alaskan winter. The challenge is to move close to each other for warmth without jabbing one another! Marriage is God’s character workshop.
Submission Without Inferiority
Peter instructs wives to submit to their husbands even if they are not Christians. Submitting does not mean wives are inferior beings.
Christ as the Model for Submission
Jesus submitted to the Roman government and to the men who crucified Him. He was not inferior to either. He submitted to accomplish His Father’s will. Wives are to submit to their husbands for the same reason.
God’s Design for Order and Leadership
Chaos reigns unless someone oversees an organization. God tasked specific people to divide the promised land among the Israelite tribes (Numbers 34).
He assigns husbands to oversee their families. Corporations need a CEO. Athletic teams need a coach.
It is not all glory, however. Fans blame the coach when their team loses. CEOs are held responsible when the corporation does not meet expectations.
Husbands must give an account to God for their leadership. Wives must give an account for their submissiveness.
Winning an Unbelieving Husband by Conduct
1 Peter 3:1 suggests some husbands may be difficult to please. Some may be hostile to the gospel. How can a wife win such a hard-boiled individual for Christ? Her life, not her words, gets his attention. He remembers how she has treated him.
Witnessing includes the words and music of the gospel. Its music is loving him in practical ways toward God’s kingdom. It is the most effective way to reach him.
True Beauty: Character Over Appearance
Women’s magazines bristle with advertisements for beauty aids. Beauty is expensive! In the USA, women spend more on cosmetics than on charity each year.
Peter said Christian women should be more concerned about the beauty of their character than their outward appearance. God values “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4 NIV).
Gentle Strength and Quiet Confidence
Gentleness is strength under control. Quietness is the absence of rebellion, resentment, and fuss.
Honoring One Another as King and Queen
Wives should treat their husbands like kings. The key question for wives is, “Whom am I trying to impress?”
The key question for husbands is, “How can I serve my wife?” Husbands honor their wives by protecting, respecting, helping, and staying with them. They lighten her load whenever they can.
It should take more than a hot water bottle to replace husbands after they die! A wife needs a man she can look up to who does not look down on her.
In short, her husband should treat her like a queen. She will not turn into an old nag if he treats her like a thoroughbred! See additional free spiritual growth resources for Christians.
God has empowered me to write His Power for Your Weakness—260 Steps Toward Spiritual Strength. It’s a free, evangelistic, devotional, and discipleship e-book. Pastors have used it in Malawi, Mozambique, and Zambia to lead 7,541 people to Christ and teach the basics of Christianity to 17,361 people. I invite you to explore and use it in your setting.
Comments