How We Can Comfort and Weep with Those Who Weep

I could not say anything about my father at his funeral service. It was emotion-driven numbness and paralysis of speech.

At least one of my brothers was similarly affected. I remember his son commenting when he shared at the service that this was the first time he saw my brother cry.

My brother was 65 years old at the time. He added, “I still haven’t heard him swear.”

So, how can we minister to those going through the bone marrow-deep pain of loss? How can we weep with those who weep?

I am not an emotional person. Weeping with others is a challenge for me. I rarely do that literally.

Nevertheless, I have learned to relate to grieving people in ways that comfort them through preparing for more than one hundred funerals over the years.

Some people shy away from funerals because they do not know what to say to the grieving. There are no magic words that will make their pain disappear. The best way to relate to them after expressing our condolences is to sit or stand with them without words, though we are emotionally uncomfortable.

We do not have to say anything. Just being there during their emotional pain shows we care. It is a concrete expression of our love for those who are suffering.

We cannot fix their grieving. Emotional healing from a loss takes at least a year and often more. We cannot fix it any more than we can breathe for them for the next year, but we can be good listeners.

By listening, we help them process the spasms of entangled emotions that grip their hearts. Talking about their loved ones helps them deal with their loss. They cannot talk about it unless someone is willing to listen.

Blockers that prevent us from being instruments of emotional healing include being so self-involved that we do not see or care about someone else’s pain. It is easier, but not better, to stay aloof.

Another hindrance to being a comforter is an unwillingness to be the living sacrifices in God's hands that He can use to comfort others with the comfort He has previously given us (Romans 12:1-2, 2 Corinthians 1:4).

Briefly telling how God comforted us in the pain of our losses might give others hope. A loving God is still in control amid apparent chaos. For believers, this will not only pass but ultimately work out for good (Romans 8:28).

We can share how Christ strengthened us in adversity (Philippians 4:13). Our comfort might also take the form of specific offers of help, such as watching their children at times when they fulfill the responsibilities the loss necessitates.

As always, spiritual ministry requires spiritual power. As we allow the Holy Spirit to use us, we can weep with others who weep. What is your takeaway? See additional free spiritual growth resources for Christians.

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God has empowered me to write His Power for Your Weakness—260 Steps Toward Spiritual Strength. It’s a free, evangelistic, devotional, and discipleship e-book. Pastors have used it in Malawi, Mozambique, and Zambia to lead 6,671 people to Christ and teach the basics of Christianity to 15,636 people. I invite you to explore and use it in your setting. 

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