How Forgiveness Breaks the Cycle of Revenge

Summary

Revenge is a natural but destructive response to being hurt. Forgiveness must become the Christian’s new normal. Scripture warns that refusing to forgive damages our relationship with God. By pausing before reacting, remembering God’s grace toward us, praying for offenders, and choosing to bless rather than retaliate, believers can dissolve bitterness and restore spiritual freedom.

The Natural Pull Toward Revenge

Our natural response to those who have offended us is to retaliate in kind with extra payback thrown in for good measure. It’s called revenge. I have been there and done that. It was unthinking, standard operating procedure when I was a boy.

Why First Reactions Mislead Believers

It is worthwhile reminding us that for Christians, our first emotional reaction is almost always the wrong one. Forgiveness is to be the new normal, not two returned punches for every one we receive.

Jesus’ Serious Call to Forgive

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15 NLT).

The High Cost of Holding Grudges

The temporary sweetness of revenge isn’t worth the eternal bitterness of the Father not forgiving our sins. He intends that we are first saved by and then become distributors of His undeserved favor.

If we never pass God’s grace on to others, it is questionable whether we ever received it. Grace is forgiveness’s launching pad.

Forgiveness Breaks the Cycle of Revenge

How do we disarm the revenge impulse and seek to restore relationships? Forgiveness breaks the cycle of revenge. Where do we start?

Disarming Revenge Through Delay and Prayer

The first step is to take an emotional timeout after someone has hurt us. “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing” (1 Peter 3:9 NLT). We might not be able to do that immediately.

Initially, the best response is none because we will almost certainly regret immediately retaliating in word or deed. It is like refusing to use a flamethrower to destroy hated weeds around our house and burning our home down, and becoming homeless in the process.

After refusing to execute an emotion-tipped poison dart of a first response, we must change our thinking about the offender. We are not their judge, jury, or executioner.

We are co-offenders, guilty of far worse spiritual and moral crimes. We have frequently sinned against the God who created and died for us, an infinitely more serious offense than the one we are nursing (Matthew 18:21-35). God has forgiven us a much greater debt than anyone will ever owe us. He commands us to pass on that forgiveness.

Choosing Blessing Over Bitterness

We must decide to pay them back with a blessing, first by praying for them daily. We eventually follow that by relating to them as if they never offended us. That will take some time.

Praying for and serving them inevitably changes how we feel about them. We remember the hurt, but we don’t hold it against them. We might not trust them as we once did, depending on the nature of the offense, but forgiveness has dissolved the bitterness we once felt. That is what has worked for me.

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